These things sure are handy to happen upon everyone once in a while. A good string of them defined each milestone of my life and shaped me into what I am today. ... Okay, maybe they aren't good things to have. Regardless, as I was rambling: The severity of stupidity in the masses, the fact that adolescents are merely oversized toddlers with no control, and my chosen path to self destruction, all were quite amusing in their own rights, tho', I gotta say, none really pack the punch of that first one. Oh well.
Anyhoo, to date: I have no friends. That should be expected, really. I mean, I'm a total ass who is careless to the plight of others. Why would I be? It's not like I care about myself, either, now. I invest more interest and concern to fictional characters than I do anyone living. More fun that way, I say.
But, as I said, I lack friends. I don't say this as a "boo-hoo" thing, 'cuz I think it's awesome. Upon realizing this, I instantly thought, "Yippee!" -er, I mean, something much, much, more masculine. I know that a "friend" is hard to define, but let's see if we can come up with some stuff: some you see often that you have familiarity with and can confide in and respect. That sound good to you? Yeah, no one matches that description in my book (of course, most of the pages are just covered in doodles), and I'm sure I don't meet those standards, either.
There is no person I periodically encounter. I don't go out on Friday nights (or any night or time of day for that matter). I was never one to hang out or do things with people. I'm a shut-in, and where I'm shut is the turbulent psychosis of my mind. Even in school, high school, and college, I never spoke to people with any regular frequency. Hell, most people thought I was toting an uzi and would snap at any moment. Classmates don't really count as "friends" anywise. You are required to be around them. Now, if you make that encounter off school grounds, then you have something going. Yeah, never happened. I think I ever met with maybe two, three people outside of my grade school and a whopping zero from high school and college. Keep in mind, this is at all. Only one of those three mentioned was met with numerous times. A friend is it? Well...
Familiarity, trust, and respect, these are values I hold to no one at all. Even upon being acquainted with some people since I was eight, I still know nothing about them. Basic likes, dislikes, birthdays, family members, last names, that sort of stuff just never came up much, or at least never stuck. I know nothing about anyone. Why? Because that crap is boring! You can't jest and insult personal information, unless it's "personal" information, which is just laughable!
Then there's the whole respect thing. Feh! I don't respect anyone. Ever! Especially not me. I'm the sort of pill who gives the evil eye for someone wearing make-up or perfume. I frown upon any piercing outside the earlobes of women, so you can imagine where heavy drinking potheads would rank on my Shame-o-meter. Toss some infidelity onto that fire to really get her burning. Mmm, smell that disapproval. Seriously, how could I respect such a judgmental prick like myself? Yep, my scales of judgment are pretty laden on the thumbs-down side anywise with not so much on the thumbs-up end to counter the weight. If a person in question somehow managed to get this far, this hurtle usually stops them.
What spurred this particular and off-beat nonsense? Amazingly, a simple question from my supervisor. He was running me through the standard employee evaluation quackery to gauge my team-player-ness when, after several loads of crap, the peculiar query came up, "Who is your best friend?" I'm assuming it was to see if it was my boss! Oh, we frolic through fields together and pick cotton candy! ... from the field! I was in a state, too, for answering the bull crap with bull crap, but this one actually noticeable froze me as the gears cranked in my head. "Holy crap... I don't have one."
Now, I still call certain people "friend", but how much of a friend could I really call someone I have barely spoken to in the last four years and even still barely spoke to in the three prior to that stretch? The pat-on-back, go-out-partying, get-a-drink dynamic is somewhat lacking for someone not even in the same hemisphere, I'm afraid. One of the sad things is that the next person in line for this position of "who has known me longer and more consistently than anyone else and we always have a good time" is an Aussie party monger I only really know through my brother's website and have never actually met. Yep, that's another thing, I don't think a "true" friendship can exist on a handle basis, but, hey, that doesn't mean he's not one hell of a bloke! So, here's to ya, Spider Warrior! * cracks open a beer and chugs down the foamy goodness *