Not Your Uncle Lou
Hiya, kiddies. It's Not Your Uncle Lou here, a.k.a. Uncle Gobbo, and I just wanted to say that I don't get enough me time on my website. Or, is that too much? I forget, or drank the memory away. Regardless, I'm always tossing out crazy nonsense and sporatic thoughts that only ever bounce inside my spaceous skull. In this age of everyone thinking everyone cares about the dumb shit they have to say on Twit Face, wouldn't it be great if some of that stuff were half tolerable?
So, does that mean that I'm going to break down and sign up for a web log, tweet roll, and face books? Hell no! That garbage is for illiterate half-wits who like their messages to be dull, lacking any sort of flair or creative description, and in enough words that their short attention spans won't lapse. Basically, for people who would have already bounced from this page, which as my Google Analytics shows is everyone? Ouchers!
Anyhoo, the aim is rather simple. I think up junk like this at a moments notice. Normally I try to compile it into lines to go into some sort of script for a show or sketch collection that will never exist. So, I might as well just deliver them as gotten. The stipulation? They will be over one-fifty characters. I don't even leave comments under that length. Bah.
Uncle Lou's Nuggets
May 22nd
I just found out that my car window was open, and it's been raining. It gets worse. I haven't driven it in a week since I walk to work. And I've been out of state for a good deal of that week. There's so many points to laugh at me for, please limit yourself to just one.
May 13th
Annual science conferences aren't that fun, but I make my own by drastically changing my appearance with new inches of hair grown in between. This makes meeting someone for the third time awkward -- for them. "Are you sure we've met before?" "Yep, twice."
May 12th
Some people wonder why their relationships end. I'm more puzzled about how they start. I mean, really, who is that low on options? Needless to say, it's not wondered often.
May 9th
We're all familiar with the evils in the world: wraith, vanity, sloth, gluttony, lust, avarice, envy. Well, I have a new evil to throw on that pile: discount jelly beans. Oooh, I should stop eating them, but I can't help it. You know it's bad when you're even chowing down on the black ones. At this point, they're actually tasting sorta good. And, no, this is different than gluttony. Much different.
May 4th
Don't you hate it when you're baking a new recipe in an oven you haven't gotten quite familiar with yet, and you can't tell if it's baking your goods to completion? ... Whaddaya mean it's "unrelatable beyond the scope of measurement with words"?! No, you don't word sentences like that. Oh, that's what you were trying to establish. Right.
April 24th
Admission: It's nothing I haven't done before. Reflection: I should be more ashamed about it. Confession: I ates a muffin I founds in a trash can. Defense: It's not like it had a bite in it or anything. Realization: Yeah, that doesn't make it any better.
April 23rd
All of my clothing seems to have holes in it from using so much acid. And while it would explain so many things if I meant the kind ya drop, the druggy kind, I sadly only mean such as chemical acids with high pH and the what not. I guess we will all just have to wait to learn what exactly is wrong with me. ... Oh, right. Plenty.
April 22nd
The sole female employee in my department always looks like she's in a bad mood. I think she might be jealous that she can't be the prettiest girl in the lab. Of course, I'm none too thrilled about that being my title, either. While this is a whopping blow dealt to my masculinity, even I'm aware that it started the match out down cold for the count.
April 20th
After some months of constantly gettin' my gangly hair caught in my mouth, I'm beginning to learn why I've seen so many ladies lose their lovely long locks. Additionally understood: fruity shampoo. Mmm, kiwi...
April 19th
Living alone and enjoying to bake sweets -- Separately, these two factors are harmless and easily ignorable in one's day to day life. But, pair them together, and I wonder how I haven't blimped to 300lbs by eating sticks worth of butter in a single sitting. Basically, a 9" cheesecake should have a longer lifespan than twenty-four hours.
April 2nd
Things that I shouldn't have said to a dame: "Oh, great, now I'm gonna be lookin' at yer ass for all the wrong reasons." Things I should never have admitted to: See the previous statement.